Grandma passed away

[IndelibleDotInk]

My grandma was in her 90s and had spent the last of her many years at her nursing home here. She was normal living there in a hotel style apartment home but transitioned to the nursing floor after getting frail several years ago.

She went into mild dementia and needed care, and 15 Craigside was really good. She carried a doll around, which was super creepy, but it helped her feel better, and last night she died in her sleep. I am so glad that she got taken care of with respect and dignity, even when she punched another resident, (go Grandma!)

We visited her sometimes, and she had been in hospice before but transitioned out to her normal nursing living, and my aunts, uncles, and cousins got to see her over her past few years (they live on the mainland).

I feel like she was a candle burning steady in the darkness which went out with a puff of air, only to light a long line of candles stretching into infinity. She had an amazing life filled with tragedy, adventure, family, success, and love.

[herbalhippie]

I am very sorry to hear this. It sounds as if she had a full, long life. Lots of family to love and love her back.

My condolences. <3

[mitragy9]

Sorry to hear, my grandmother also passed away in her sleep in her 90s(probably the best way you could go imo) what's crazy is the night she died I saw this strange white mist that kept appearing like flashing into existence in my room. It happened like 4 or 5 times and I just had this feeling that something bad had happened then that morning when I got up I got the news. I still have no explanation for what happened that night.

[GrannyJ62]

So sorry for your loss,but what a beautiful way to think about her passing it took me back to the days before I was taking care of my son,I loved being a nurse and working with geriatric residents was my favorite thing I spent many years taking care of people on locked wards,and its so wonderful to hear how you and your family were there for her she sounds like a special person and 90 thats a major accomplishment.I love that she had a doll an the comfort she got from that is immeasurable,thank you for sharing ❤ hugs

[FireK]

Thanks for sharing that wonderful story and tribute....sounds like a life well lived

[INSENSE3]

I’m sorry for your loss, my condolences...

I really appreciate your share about her. Very touching and genuine with how you describe her.

Like GrannyJ62, I’ve been drawn to geriatric souls my entire life and still enjoy the opportunity to know people with such wisdom and history. The stories are so wonderful, even when it’s the same story every single day, so long as I see a bit of a smile telling me about it.

The doll thing is especially neat. I have heard about the Japanese using little “baby seal” stuffed animals for geriatric anxiety relief and it’s really helping people cope with the many unknowns of growing old. The doll makes a lot of sense. None of us wants to be totally alone (even those of us suffering with depression).

All of my “important” and “close” people are trail blazing the aging experience and I’m learning stuff about it most every day. I am living with my mom and it’s kinda fun with BOTH OF US getting older - together. Not at all what we planned or expected but precious time, indeed.

Sounds like you had a wonderfully interesting gramma and I appreciate your sharing her memory here.

Laurie

[IndelibleDotInk]

Thanks for your comments.

She did have adventure and tragedy in her life.

She was a district governor's daughter in Korea during the war and got to do things girls didn't normally do there, like get a superior education (learning English and Japanese in addition to Korean) play basketball, have bodyguards. But their wealth could do little with the torrent of war and so she knew what it was to be poor too. She got married to a military officer, my grandfather who I never knew, and had to leave my dad and his younger brother in Korea with their grandmothers while she and Grampa John went to Georgia in the US for military training.

They got reunited years later in Hawaii, and my dad's youngest brother and sister had been born, and Grampa John was finished with his military career and was an Episcopalian minister. They had a tumultuous life and Grampa was a womanizer and abusive, they got divorced and remarried several times. She managed to have her mom and mother in law come to Hawaii and they were a stabilizing force for my dad. Eventually Grampa John got diagnosed with schizophrenia, and after a final divorce, lived mostly in California, sometimes on the street. My dad would get calls from people he scammed or owed money to, and had to tell them he wasn't responsible for his dad's debts.

My Gramma had a successful career as a saleslady for Ming's jewelry, making friends with clients and raising her kids to be a leader (my dad), two nerds (my uncles, one went to MIT and worked for Dupont, has a Ph.D, the other was an engineer who was an engineer, went to Harvey Mudd, and invented the pulse oximeter thing that goes on your finger in the hospital), and a musician (my aunty who plays the piano beautifully and is a career musician). My aunty and uncles had two successful kids each, but they didn't get to see Grandma much cause they lived on the Mainland.

Writing that makes me think back of the times we spent together, after she married Grampa Richard, my dad's stepdad, later in life, they would frequently come over for hibachi bbq. I was pretty much angry and distant as a teenager, but now I look back and try to realize the pearls of wisdom she laid out for me; they're in my brain, just need to get actualize them.

So my sister and I got the lions' share of her time, and my sister made the most of it. I'm super proud of my sister, and Grandma got to meet Phil, her great grandson, near the time Phil's adoption became finalized, and before she passed away. (My sis lives in Colorado with her hubs and Phil, but came back to visit.)

When my grandma moved to the nursing home, which was in our neighborhood, after Grandpa Richard died, my mom, dad, me, and Mei, my service dog, would take her out to eat every Sunday for Korean food or Chinese dim sum. Once she pretended to be mad when she saw an Afghan blanket that she had knit out of yarn in the dog's bed. The blanket must have been about 40yrs old back then, longer than I was alive, she gave it to my parents, who used it for years before my sister took it for awhile, then it was a mainstay in my room after I moved back from NYC, and I guess it got to be Mei's cause she'd hog it when she slept on my bed.

So now I'm left with memories bubbling up and I don't feel sad, but curious and for what comes next.

[Love_Redz]

My condolences brother, it’s tough seeing them go sounds like she went peacefully which is a good thing my wife I have a home for hospice patients so we know how hard it is for some
Much peace and love friend

[WhiteAngelica]

My grandma was in her 90s and had spent the last of her many years at her nursing home here. She was normal living there in a hotel style apartment home but transitioned to the nursing floor after getting frail several years ago.

She went into mild dementia and needed care, and 15 Craigside was really good. She carried a doll around, which was super creepy, but it helped her feel better, and last night she died in her sleep. I am so glad that she got taken care of with respect and dignity, even when she punched another resident, (go Grandma!)

We visited her sometimes, and she had been in hospice before but transitioned out to her normal nursing living, and my aunts, uncles, and cousins got to see her over her past few years (they live on the mainland).

I feel like she was a candle burning steady in the darkness which went out with a puff of air, only to light a long line of candles stretching into infinity. She had an amazing life filled with tragedy, adventure, family, success, and love.

I didn't see this when you originally posted this. I am sorry. Your words you shared as metaphor was beautiful and poetic. That is a tribute that is beautifully homage, and it is a gift for her, for yourself too in the healing process. Thank you for trusting this community and sharing your immortal words. You are a writer. Hold tight,

Leigh

[IndelibleDotInk]

Koreans, like I guess everyone, place important stock on New Years. So once or twice a year (sometimes Lunar New Year aka Chinese new year) we'd get together to make man doo. Man doo is usually eaten in soup, but can be fried like Chinese pot stickers, or as a side dish aka perfect midnight snack.

Currently my favorite place to get man doo is a small store with Korean mama sans making them tirelessly at all hours. Their mandoo is simple and delish, focus on green onions.

My grandma's was a huge undertaking. Instead of just the green onions, chicken, and long rice the above mentioned, there were seven secret ingredients, and only my sister knows what they all are. 1 green onions, 2 beef 3 long rice 4 tofu and ????. We would go to her and grampa Richards' place and make mandoo all day, with my grandma's friends and extended family dropping by to take a shift making or delivering them.

I regret not doing more, but I still have some technique. Never realized that being hung over, sweaty, eating bowls of duk kook and taking turns boiling the mandoo would be a fond memory.

As she transitioned from her and grampa Richards' house (he died a few years before Grandma) to the assisted living place near us, the 800 mandu days came to a stop. She was so old and it was becoming an ordeal for her, but I know now that these memories will help me keep perspective on the reality of those moments, and not just pine away for the past, but that I had a large group of people who loved and believed in me, each other, and finally now, who I love and believe too.

[IndelibleDotInk]

lol, I read the last line of the last post, and it made me laugh cause I could see her, stern and remembered her complaining about having to make so much mandoo, and how much mandoo we were eating, AYE GOO, she'd say.

[®eddit®efugee]

here's hoping in 2022 you can have a celebration 800 mandoo day and keep the tradition going with new people. Also, hope your sister tells someone the ingredients so they don't disappear with here

Sorry to hear about your loss, especially going into the holidays. It's a weird feeling, loss, and it comes in waves so I hope the most turbulent parts are behind you or else you're learning great surfing techniques